Happy

I haven't written much lately, and I think I have to attribute that to...my excessive happiness, sorry.

I've always been one of those people that feels incredibly drawn to writing when everything is going pear shaped. That's when I feel like I have too many things in my head and I just need to get them out to make any sense of what's going on. But when I'm happy, I am so caught up in the moment that taking time to write things down just seems like a waste!

Before, I used to have an idea in my head of what my 'grown up' life would be like. It had this hazy picture of 'work' because I never really had any idea what I'd end up doing. I figured I would find a partner, buy a house and build a life. But my dreams, just like the ones I have at night, lacked definition and substance. These were just words.
I didn't really think about what building a life with someone would look like.

And now I know.
I know it has a house with no insulation and a cat that looks down his nose at you. It has a crappy electric stove but a lot of delicious home cooked food.
There are Sunday sessions at the local, and mad Saturday nights playing Rock Band really badly.
Early Thursday morning starts and my favourite start to any day; Muffin Friday. There's weird, silly chats and serious, intense conversations.
But most of all, there's an overwhelming and amazingly strong feeling of love. And happiness. And all the good things that come with knowing you are exactly where you're supposed to be.

Words such as soul mate and true love get bandied around a lot in today's tabloid world. Everyone wants the appearance of the perfect relationship. What I have may not be what everyone wants. It certainly isn't what I ever thought it would be.

But it's perfect.
And it's beautiful.
And it makes me happy and contented beyond all of my whimsical, romantic, teenage dreams.
And it's all I'm ever going to want.


Happy Friday all, enjoy your weekends.

Birthday blogging

When I celebrate my birthday, I tend to be more reflective on the year that's past than at New Year time. Maybe because your birthday is something personal, not just a time when everyone else is looking back.

Here are some of the things that flew around in my brain on Sunday while I was turning 27!!!

* 3 years ago last Sunday, we returned from our big adventure to Europe. After almost 5 months away, I was so excited to come home. But I'll never forget the luxury of having him all to myself for so long, or only having yourselves to worry about. That trip changed a lot in my life for the better and I'll be forever grateful.

* I still can't believe I spent my 24th birthday on a plane from Heathrow to Melbourne. (Stopping in Singapore in between) Strangely enough, it wasn't my worst birthday.

* That prize would go to my 19th birthday, when my uncle died the day after. All day on my birthday I remember being so upset and worried and feeling a little bit guilty for hoping that he wouldn't pass away on my birthday. I couldn't handle the sad family gatherings on a day that had been so happy up until then.

* Thinking back that far reminds me that this time next year, I'll be invited to my 10 year high school reunion, and I have no idea if I'd want to go. I'm not really friends with anyone from high school and I think if I went I'd end up feeling like a complete goof and standing in the corner all night. It doesn't help that my ex recently got engaged to a girl I went to school with either.

* Or that my cousin's girlfriend of nearly 10 years would also be there, that would be a reminder of my cousin and the fact that we don't speak anymore. And I'm not even sure why that is. And I think about that every day and wonder if he's thinking badly of me for something I haven't done. But I can't see a way around it yet.

Did I mention thinking was a dangerous past time? Welcome to the weird world of my brain.

Mirror, mirror

Insecurity is a curious thing.

I think I'm past it so often until every now again again, it rears it's ugly head and then I kick into over-thinking mode and the moment is lost. This train of though came about when I was getting ready to go out the other night. And it got me thinking...where does this uncertainty come from? Why do I need validation on the way I look from people I already know love me well.

The answer is, I honestly don't know where it comes from. Some is definitely passed down from my mother. I love her to death and can appreciate her more now being an adult, but the dialogue of 'I'm stupid', 'I look fat', etc etc about herself has had an effect on me.

I think people carry a little of their teenage selves around, and it's not until you giggle at a fart joke or you're required to make a grand entrance in a room full of judgement that you realise.

A pinch has to come from the stereotypes and demands society asks of us. You know what I mean, they're those sentences that are going around in your (my) head right now. 'I can't believe she's wearing that.' or 'Why would someone like him, be with someone like her'.

And the rest I guess I can only pin on myself on my own (high) expectations.

Is it insecure to want people to compliment you? Should you have enough confidence in yourself and your abilities within the fashion realm to know you look good and never need to hear it? I'm not fishing for compliments here, promise! This is actually a serious question for me.

Should you expect your partner/best friend/whoever you're hanging out with for that night, to let you know if you look good? Or are compliments not required amongst those you're truly close with?

Super Duper (otherwise known as Awe-summ)

The beautiful Cinta over at One Little Acorn (seriously love all the creative stuff this girl gets up to) has decreed that I'm awe-summ! Isn't that a nice way to start your day?

Well, that means I need to toot my own horn here and list 7 things that make me Awe-summ. So, let's get tooting;

1) I bring the energy. I spend my days bouncing, laughing, smiling and passing this on to everyone around me. While it's been a little on the lower side recently, it's pretty much what I'm known for.

2) I'm always thinking of new ways to have fun, new games to play, new ways to entertain me and my friends.

3) I like to think I'm a good friend. I listen, support, I advise, take a hint when required. I am fiercely loyal to my friends, if you cross them you incur the wrath of Amy. You've been warned.

4) I'm willing to give just about anything a go. While I don't like sucking at stuff, I will at least try it. Running, rowing, singing, plays, dancing, bowling, rock band, housework...the list is endless.

5) I introduce my friends to new things that I think they'd like. AKA Twilight, Stardust, chick flicks.

6) I love completely. Friends and family have put up with this for a while now, it's my boy who probably cops it the most though. I love being in love, I enjoy that bond and that closeness, and I like to do whatever I can to make it better. For better or worse, no matter how much it's hurt before, there is no holding back.

7) When I put my mind to it, I can do anything. And I will pretty much always follow through.

So there you have it, some serious self-loving. I have to say, seven is a lot of nice things to write about yourself, I was struggling at the end there. Although, if you'd ask me to write about 7 things I think I'm bad at or I dislike about myself, that list would come rather easily.
Why is it we're all so quick to be negative about ourselves?

Well, I'm am passing the positive torch to you out there, so indulge yourself and follow the rules;

* Chica
* Nic
* Brandy
* Amy

Below are the rules and guidelines to the Awe-summm award:

* List 7 things that make you Awe-Summm and then pass the award on to 7 bloggers you love.

* Make sure to tag your recipients and let them know they have won!

* And finally link back to the blogger that tagged you.

Happily ever after

The wedding was beautiful. In case you can't tell by the self centred and slightly neurotic tone of the previous post, I was feeling a little insecure about the whole weekend. As soon as I arrived at the Bride to be's house for drinks, dinner and a sleep over, all of that left.

I've been friend's with Georgie since we were in kindergarten. Which means that I've seen all of her brothers grow up, I was a regular at dinner for many years, and her parents feel like an extension of my family. Her dad was bursting with pride. I was standing with him on the Friday night, enjoying a drink, when he looked at his daughter as she greeted more guests and commented on how happy she looked. It was true, the smile never left her face! It was a really beautiful moment.

Getting ready the next day was great fun. We were up before the sun for the hair and make up routine. See below, me with the bride, hair done sans make up.



The result was well worth it though...I think.


It was so much fun being in the wedding party. Our main job was to keep Georgie calm, although she was really good anyway. Oh, and to find new ways to make her smile and laugh for the photos.
I have to admit, walking down the aisle was a little nerve racking, everyone standing and staring! My brother, niece, aunty and nan were at the church to check us (me) out, my brother even took a mini video on his phone of me walking.

The photos were great fun. We were whisked off to the beach to have fun in the sand, the boys in the bridal party were all really lovely and we conspired against the happy couple, yelling all sorts of inappropriate things. I'm sure they appreciated it though because their photos will be amazing!

The best part of the day was the dancing! I was getting a little emotional during the reception as I was surrounded by so many girls from high school that I didn't particularly like. It was quite intimidating actually, and I like to think I don't get intimidated too often. So my beautiful boy grabbed my hand and pulled me on to the dance floor. With a wicked grin he had me laughing in seconds and I think we were up for about 5 songs in a row. It was exactly what I needed and set the tone for the rest of the night.

So, wedding update over. It was a beautiful weekend, filled with love, tears and laughter. I feel very privileged to have been a part of it.

Wedding Week

The wedding that I'm in happens this weekend. I'm sitting at work right now typing this at my desk, while wearing my shoes for the wedding.
While one of my not-so-helpful workmates pointed out "They're not that big!" (read with derisive sneer), they are fairly large to me considering I get around in little or no heels.
I'm pretty tall, just a touch under 6ft and a lot of my friends are a fair bit smaller than me. While I love being tall and not stuck under some one's arm pit, it can be quite uncomfortable when you have to bend in half to hear what's being said.

But this post isn't about me wearing my shoes this week.

I rang the bride yesterday to see how things went for her Hen's Day. I was unable to attend as we had another wedding on. As I explained to her and the other bridesmaid, any other event I would have happily missed, but a wedding is a big deal. I was never comfortable having to make the choice but after the warm reception I received form the bride and groom, I'm definitely comfortable with my choice.
We also spoke about the plans leading up to the wedding, about how she and the other bridesmaids are going to set up the reception one night this week. I asked if there's was anything I was required for on the day after. She said no. When I pressed further saying some people have a BBQ she said that her parents were holding a BBQ at their home.

But this post isn't about the poor communication or my stupidly busy social life.

This post is about the fact one of my best, childhood friends is getting married this weekend. And while right now I'm focusing on all the silly, insecurities in my head, the main thing is that Saturday is the day she's always dreamed of. She chose me as a bridesmaid for a reason, and while we mightn't be super close all the time, hers is one of the friendships that I'll always treasure, and always come back to.

I'll be off work Friday while I get my nails done (for the second time ever in my life) and do all the good, girly things you're supposed to do before a wedding. I'll let you know how it goes next week.

Easter catch up

The problem for me when posting is that good blogging results in finding a topic and pouring your heart into it. I have issues with this for 2 reasons:

1) I struggle to think about 1 thing at a time, let alone write about 1 topic.
2) I don't feel I can be entirely honest on here all the time. I made the blogger mistake of handing out my url to everyone and anyone when I first made it up! I love people from real life dropping in here, absolutely, but it does make the 'dear diary' aspect a little difficult.

So instead of writing some prose on a particular issue in my life right now, I'll give you a list of things that have happened randomly in the last few weeks...

* My ex got engaged. I only found out he was seeing someone at Christmas. Then I found out they'd bought a house together after a short amount of time. Next thing I know they're engaged.

* Everyone asked if I was ok about this. I am. It seems a bit odd I guess but I was the one who broke his heart so I'm definitely happy he's found someone. Although, to be honest, I guess I thought in a smug way I was 'ahead' if that makes any sense?

* I spent Sunday in an old man's pub and loved it. We played pool, had a bet on the races and then I played 'Who wants to be a millionaire' on one of those machines and actually won $12!

* This weekend is Easter and we're off to our Nation's capital (Canberra, not Sydney!) to hang out with my parents. It's my dad's 50th birthday on Good Friday.

* Mum and Dad were home just this last weekend as their friends convinced dad he couldn't hide for his 50th. We threw him a surprise party and I got a reaction out of him for the present we got! That's a first!!!! Happy birthday Dad!

* The netball season has started and while we didn't have a win, everyone walked off feeling positive and confident of change. I feel like I'm getting somewhere.

* Work is finally starting to slow down, hurray!

So, all things considered, things are looking up in the lead in to the Easter long weekend. May your travels be delay free and your Easter eggs large and of good quality. Enjoy the break, I will!